The Bathroom Gecko

We have had a gecko living in our bathroom for over a year. I see him every once in a while, scurrying away as I move the stool or get a towel from the closet. He is like our family mascot or something. Why? He must be a fan of ours. Who else would stick around? And even more, who would want to live in a bathroom shared by 7 people, about half of which cannot bathe themselves?

And another thing I think about our gecko friend. What must he eat to survive? I keep thinking he'll starve but still he appears now and again. There is a lot of stuff in the bathroom. A lot happens in there. But there is absolutely nothing edible in there. Does he drink drops of water from the floor? Eat flecks of poop? Strawberry toothpaste for dessert maybe? One has to wonder.

After I saw him tonight I began compiling a list in my head of things he overhears in the bathroom.

"I went poo-poo!"
"Mom!............Mom!...........Can somebody wipe me?"
"I need privacy!"
"I told you not to follow me in here!"
"I'm taking a shower, I'll be out in a minute."
"I need toilet paper!"
"It says to wait three to five minutes." (that's a joke)
"Middles in the tub!"
"I get the front!"
"Okay, stand up, it's time to wash your bodies."
"You're getting me wet!"
"Do washing machine!" (a washing game we play)
"Do you're my baby boy (or girl)!" (a post bathtime song we sing)
"Wash your hands!"
"Wash your face!"
"Brush your teeth!"
"Hurry up!"
"What are you doing in here?"
"Mom, don't put that wipe in the toilet or you'll have to call the plumber again."

Nakey Baby

It is hard for me to capture my babies smiling and be behind the camera at the same time. I figured I could get a bunch of Juliet if I tried when she was naked because she loves being naked. She flaps her arms and does her legs like she's on a bicycle. So here she is in all her glory, cuteness, and squishy baby-ness. What am I going to do when I don't have a cute little baby to put on my blog? It's going to be sad! But I am enjoying the now if it all. Here's to precious baby smiles!

Monsterisms

A couple of things...

Today I realized there is a monster living in my house. It has three heads, seven arms, and poopy drawers. It's name is Laundry. This monster is never defeated. I try to slay him with my determination, organization, and soap. But still I am overtaken by his sheer force. He is darks, lights, whites, towels, sheets...socks that hide under the couch. He fills up my baskets and overflows onto the floor. He is a growing mound of dirty underwear, sweaty t-shirts, poopy baby sleepers. No matter what I do, he is winning all the time. And just when I think I've got him by the throat, I head to bed to find a mound to be folded that I forgot I put back there earlier in the day. Even clean the monster rears it's ugly head.

Time is passing and my children are growing up. I try to make it go just a bit slower but a day is a day and a minute is a minute and time is passing at the same rate it's always been. This is an "ism" I've been telling myself when I think things are going by too fast. I tell myself that time has always gone at the exact same pace. There's nothing I can do to slow it down. It just seems like it's speeding by. It's not.

My mom also gave me a good "ism" a few days ago. She said, "It's not so much what you've got as what you do with what you've got." This has encouraged me in quite a few ways.

And I'll end with this quote I came across...it speaks of the wonderful mess that raising a family is. I'm so glad we're together.

"The web of our life is of a mingled yarn; good and ill together." -William Shakespeare

Now Hiring

Personal Assistant

Seeking intelligent, effective, and agreeable individual to help with personal needs, household needs, and business needs. Hard working individuals not afraid to get dirty or raise their voice need only apply. Not looking for people who are above performing any simple task such as bottom wiping, nose blowing, or toilet scouring.

Other skills, duties, and traits I am seeking in applicants:

-able to do laundry
-in shape, able to lift 40+ pounds
-washing dishes
-grading papers
-singing songs, knows at least 50 children's tunes
-library skills/book reading
-excellent communication skills
-chauffeur
-data entry/sorter
-organized
-tickle monster
-standard phone etiquette
-extremely patient
-personal chef
-tech support
-photography assistant
-changing diapers
-party planner
-good listener
-able to tune out crying
-occasional wet nurse
-100% available all hours, all days, with ability to travel on short notice

This is an excellent full time, long term position and a great opportunity for someone who thinks they want to have a bunch of children.

Salary: you can keep whatever you sweep up in the dust pan or find in the washing machine.

Waldo Flea Market-Part Three

Are you getting tired of the Flea Market yet? I am, but I'm going to finish what I started. Only one more post and we'll complete our tour.

An array of belt buckles. Worthy of a locked glass case? Not in my opinion, but I'm not making any judgements here.

The banner says, "Mr. Bill's Cheep Thrills...BLING FOR A BUCK...and electronics for a little more!" I want to know the difference between "cheep" thrills and "cheap" thrills.

I don't want to judge or make fun of these people, but please tell me who would want a rebel flag with a dog in the middle of it flying outside their house? The flag on the right says, "Rebel Pride."

Now we are in a section that is a huge metal building with more stuff made in China. This is three or four times the size of the other parts I'd already been through and showed you. I thought I had seen all the good stuff from our friends in Asia but there was more. Here is a cool 80's net glove.

And more fake Sharpies! Only this time, I couldn't even decipher their slightly different spelling...here, I'll zoom in...

Is it Shaurie? Or Shonrie? Whatever the language, they still make me drool.

I found it interesting that the Chinese are making U.S.A. #1 key chains. And even more interesting that they are all covered in a thick layer of dust.

This is one of my favorites. Super Glue, Super Glue, Super Glue, and Special Glue. All exactly the same, except for the name. Which would you choose? I would have a hard time deciding. Super and Special are both excellent adjectives.

And as I was leaving this area, I saw these next to each other and thought it funny. Then I realized they'd both be good wedding presents, so maybe this is the wedding gift section?

And in it's own tent, "Redneck Country!" I didn't go inside. I just didn't want to.

There was this one lady there who had her booth tables full of scissors in these neat black boxes. I LOVE SCISSORS! I talked to her. She was nice. She said a PhD student from U of Florida had written a paper about her and hung out with her in her booth for three different Saturdays. Pretty cool. If I could have a collection at the Flea Market, I'd be proud to sell scissors.

Would you like a concrete giraffe for your yard? Pretty cool sculpture.

And I took this on the way out. So you'll recognize it if you're ever on highway 301 and you want to stop through.

In closing I just want to say that I am not judging these folks who sell, buy, and hang out at the flea market. They are, many of them, hardworking people trying to make money to feed their families. I appreciate that. It is still fun to people watch and giggle at the funny signs and wares you see when you go there. I bought quite a few things that I couldn't buy anywhere else but there. And that makes it a special place. But in truth, it's a special place that I only need to go to every two years or so. Everyone needs some cheep thrills once in a while.

Waldo Flea Market-Part Two

There were quite a few other interesting things in the "Made in China" section as I'll call it. I spent a good number of minutes photographing the Sharpie wanna-be's and began to notice I was hearing a constant drone that sounded like a toy. I thought it was a gun of some sort. I had seen some earlier. Little machine guns that make an artillery type sound when you pull the trigger. It sounded as if one of them had gotten stuck in the on position somehow. I followed the noise, only to discover that the gun sound was not a gun but this...

The noise was supposed to sound like waves on a beach, I guess. Not quite the paradise I think I'm ready for...a light up picture that sounds like an annoying gun toy.

Couldn't resist the juxtaposition of an electric Jesus next to a dog collar. Because earlier at the flea market I saw the sign "Dog spelled backwards is God" in one of the puppy booths. What I didn't see until later was what's in the top right corner of this photo. Here, I'll zoom in...

It's Art! To suit both refined and popular tastes, no less! An apple clock is definitely on my list of both refined and popular art!

Or, if you prefer fake pets, here's a couple of birds.

Some hats...just one of the many exploits of the rebel flag seen at the flea market. I like "Choppers till you die"...since people with a death wish ride motorcycles.

This is in a different "Made in China" section. There were a couple. A huge bin of fake crocs. And I turned to my right, without moving my feet, and shot the next bin over...

A huge bin of bras, four to a pack. I thought they looked very similar to the crocs...colorful and cheap. I don't know if you can tell what they are...I had to use my flash because it was very dim in this section. This probably tips sales in their favor. If you can't see it very well, you might go ahead and buy it. Then, wonder what the heck you were thinking when you get it out in daylight.

We are now entering the animal section of the flea market. You want chickens? There are dozens.

This looks like a bird for a magician. I know it's a terrible picture, but he was moving around a lot.

I shot this from my waist without looking through the viewfinder because I was being watched and didn't want to get in trouble. Maybe the pig has an agent or something and I need to get permission...

This is where I saw the "Dog spelled backwards is God" sign earlier in the morning before I came back with my camera. Maybe they had sold their holiest dog and didn't want to false advertise.

I'm not a member of PETA or anything, but I hated seeing these guys all scrunched together in here.

A baby pool full of rabbits. When we were there in the morning, Penelope kept smacking this one rabbit on the back and he'd hop away. She thought that was so funny so she kept doing it until I pulled her away. PETA...Penelope Exercises The Animals?

Waldo Flea Market-Part One

This past Saturday Jimmy and I went to the Flea Market in Waldo, FL. My parents live just south of Waldo and we were visiting and needed to get out of the house for a bit. My mom buys produce there from local farmers so she gave us some money and her list. We took our three middle kids. I was amazed by what we saw. So much so that I went back later with Jimmy and Jackson and brought my camera. How much fun it was to feel young again, looking at things through my camera and not through the eyes of a mom who is worried her kids are going to touch chicken poop (or anything else there for that matter) and then put their hands in their mouth.

I have looked at pictures of funny signs from foreign countries. I have lived in the south my whole life. But I never knew that all in one place I could see funny grammatical errors and spellings and rebel flags and cute puppies and, well, lots of junk. If you don't believe the south will rise again, just go to the Waldo Flea Market. It is a step into a different culture.

I took a ton of pictures. I am going to show them in the exact order in which they were taken. This is what we saw when we walked in one of the side entrances.
It's nice to have you back, but enter at your own risk...

Maybe you need a concrete sculpture of a caroler dressed warmly for the yard outside your trailer in the summer heat of Florida...?

They have a huge hardware store...my dad has bought plenty of parts/hardware, etc. from them. But I found this sign funny since there are like blades everywhere you look. Jackson of course did the kid thing and tried on sunglasses. You know you can never resist trying on glasses.

The sign says, "We have straw hats and others inside...essential oils & roll on perfume." Roll on perfume? Sign me up!!

You could buy boiled peanuts from "The 3 Flamingoes." As you can see, they have salted, valencia, cajun, bar-b-q, and garlick with a "k". Yummy!

I appreciate this...they want to help people stick to their budget I think. I like the glitter tape around the edges.

I've actually never heard this one. I didn't pick anything up. I didn't want to have to buy a oil and vinegar dispenser or porcelain soap pump.

Now I know where to go if I need to buy a stun gun. Seriously. I might need one some day.

Sunglasses anyone? We have a few.

Or belts? They ALL have shiny jewels on them! Pretty!

We now entered one of the many sections of the flea market that are full of boxes and the boxes are full of items that are made in China.

Because women and men alike need a camo tank top. Note how it says "AMERICAN" across the top.

Or maybe you want First Quality tanks. They give you medium sized biceps and make you feel as if you're floating in the clouds.

You can imagine how excited I was to see this next item...

Shoupies!!!!! Actually they're called SUPER Shoupies! Tou Wen Zi Fine Point Permanent Marker SUPER Shoupies! Love it.

And underneath those...

Shizixing SUPER Shinies! Does it get any better than this? Well, we will all have to wait and see. My flea market trip wasn't over yet, but I'm tired for now. I will go to bed dreaming of Super Shoupies and Super Shinies.

Um, I forgot the title...

I'm feeling old, tired, and stupid. I'm going to write a blog about it. Put that in your laptop and smoke it.

I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding. I have nursed all five of my kids. I was asked recently why I do it. I wanted to ask back, "Why wouldn't I?" One of my main reasons is because of the proof that it increases their brain development. I know their brain is still growing just like the rest of their body and who doesn't want to help out their child in the "smartness" department?

I've heard that everything has a price. Well, the price I've paid for my children getting breastmilk and better brain cells is the total and utter decrease in my own brain activity. My children may be getting smarter, but I am quickly going down the path towards total idiot. I can't remember words. I mistake imaginary characters for real people. I forget important numbers. I purposely put something in a safe place so I'll know where it is only to discover I can't remember my safe place. I stare at people while they are talking to me and I don't hear anything they're saying. I can't answer questions without the help of an encyclopedia. And when I open it, I have to strain to remember alphabetical order. Sometimes I make mistakes when correcting my kid's schoolwork. They are so excited that I have missed something. I am thinking about all that sweet breastmilk I sacrificed for them, and now they want me to do multiplication too? Go get a calculator, smarty pants.

Is it just the breastfeeding? Or is it my age? Is it both? When did I get older? How did I get here? Since when did the "classic rock" station fill up with songs from when I was in sixth grade? Since when do I think that 40 "isn't that old"? When did I start saying things like, "I just need a little peace and quiet" with my forehead all wrinkled up? How long have my hands looked so old and sad? And I won't even begin to ask about my body. After five children I'd like to zap my skin with an amnesia gun and make it forget the stretching out and in, out and in, out and in...will someone hit the reset button please?

I know that young, fun Julie is in there somewhere, but she doesn't change diapers, wipe cracks, do tons of laundry, and buy things in bulk. So she hasn't come out to play in a while. But that's okay. Adult mommy Julie can be fun too. She can make scrambled eggs. And give a fun bubble bath. Every once in a while she can still write a witty blog. And she's highly entertaining if you want to laugh at someone who can't remember her kid's names or where she's parked her car when she's standing right in front of it.

Top 'o the mornin' to ya

We don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day but we do try to wear green if we go out in public. I don't want strange old ladies at the library or grocery store pinching my children. So here's Juliet's green. This shirt was given to me by a friend. She apologized because it was a six to twelve month size and she knew Juliet would only be two months when St. Patty's day came around. But if you're an Alley, you can fill out clothes that are a bigger size with no problem.


I know what you're thinking. How do you do it, Julie? How do you cope every day with so much cuteness oozing from your baby? Well, it's not easy. I try to handle the overwhelming desire to just get into bed and snuggle with this angel until I can't lie there anymore. She is more precious than a pot of gold. We love her!