I really like to swim. In fact, if it was not an option for me, I'd be really depressed. Like if something crazy happened and I could never be near a body of water and if there were no swimming pools...it would be really sad. But at this point in my life it's like someone said, "do you like to swim?" and after saying, "Yes! I've wanted to swim my whole life but have never been swimming!" they threw me in the deep end, and then all of a sudden told me, "well, since you like to swim so much, you're never getting out. You're going to have to learn to live your whole life, as you know it, while swimming." At first this may not seem like a big deal. Because, as I said, I love the water. I love swimming. Not being able to swim would be sad. But the reality of swimming constantly is that it is very consuming. It's hard to do things like read and cook. You are wet all the time. Your hair greatly suffers. Sometimes it's hard to catch your breath. Eating while swimming becomes a sport. Yet, there are moments in the deep end that aren't so bad. You can float on a raft some and have a break from all that wetness. Going to the bathroom is sometimes difficult but you somehow manage. Other people can join you in the pool and you have some support in your life long swim, but no one else understands life in the deep end quite like you do. You learn how to make it work. You do laps, you float, you hold your breath, you spend a lot of time treading water. A little synchronized swimming now and then.
This is how I feel being a mother.
I love it, couldn't imagine life without it. Once you get wet, you can't get totally dry. And it shouldn't be any other way. I'm hooked on swimming. Even though getting out and sitting on the side to watch others in the pool isn't an option for me, I'd rather be in the pool. Because being out of the water would be sad, boring...dry.
Yes, I am hypocritical, for here I sit writing my first blog when I have openly declared my reservations about them. Nothing against those who blog, but for the record, I'd like to state that I am against blogs because now, you can, without any personal contact with our family, find out what is going on with us. Somehow that does not seem right to me. You used to have to make an effort to know what was going on with someone. Now, you can carry on a complete conversation with someone without even hearing their voice. I feel like you should not be privileged enough to know, for example, what I ate for breakfast, unless you contact me personally and ask. Anyway, may we not let this blog come between us. The only reason I am here is because I have always been inclined to write when something gets me going. Now, if I am miffed about something in this world I can have an outlet. Something to send out into space for NO ONE SPECIFIC to read. Because I care enough to contact you personally, I promise.