I wish, when my kids said or did something funny or memorable, that I could freeze time. That just like in one of those episodes of Saved By the Bell, everyone around me would freeze, and I would be Zack Morris, and I could stare at the camera and pensively give my thoughts to the collective people who care about me and my kids.
But I'm no Zack Morris. And I can't freeze time. I wish I did, but I don't have the time it takes to write about every single little thing that happens. But in an attempt to not forget these moments, I have begun a file on my phone and I type in funny stuff every once in a while. So here are some quotes from around the house in the last few months.
Mom: Guys, I need to talk to you about something.
Kid(s): Are you pregnant?
And along those same lines, Libby gave me a list of reasons why I shouldn't have another baby...
"Number one, I don't want to ride around in a big huge van. Number two, you just had a baby. Number three, it's too much. Number four, you just had a baby. Number five, you just had a baby, and number six, it's too much."
Cash continually refers to Violet as a "sweet ball of heaven."
And more about babies...
Juliet: Mom, why did God put a baby in your tummy?
Me: He wanted to bless us. The Bible says it's a reward.
Penelope: Of course we are!
Jackson: You're not acting like a reward!
In contemplating the Elf on the Shelf:
Juliet: Mom, Santa Claus is a giant.
Penelope: The Elf on the Shelf can't teleport. He must have camouflaged there.
Juliet asked quite a bit of questions about the sun for a while...
Juliet: Mom, what happens if you go too close to the sun in a rocket ship?
Me: Well, if you get too close to the sun you would burn up and die.
Penelope: I don't want to be an astronaut when I grow up. There's a ton of ways you can die.
Libby came in from riding her bike one afternoon and Penelope asked her where she had been. Libby, with a completely straight face and without missing a beat said, "I went to fight a baby dragon and then I stepped on a unicorn and saved the princess." I then of course asked Libby where she got that from. And she said, with a straight face, "I made it up."
When we all go for walks or bike rides I am usually urging Juliet to keep up, to pedal harder and faster. She goes at her own pace and one afternoon I just took off ahead of her, tired of waiting. When she caught up to me she said, "Mom, you went far away from me. I'm your daughter, you love me, you have to stay with me!'
For some reason Jimmy has been listening to Jim Croce. This is one step up from repulsive, but my dear husband is 40 now, and I am trying to embrace him turning into an old man. Anyway, he was playing his music around the house and "Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown" was on. It was bothering me that it says "damn" in that song but I let it play through, choosing my battles. The next day Cash was sitting at the table doing his schoolwork singing, "Bad, bad, Leroy Brown...baddest man in the whole downtown." And then Penelope said, "Mom, is it "baddest man in the whole downtown" or "baddest man in the whole dumb town?" Either one, kids.
Yesterday we built a fire and threw in the Christmas tree branches one at a time. Some of them made some pretty big flames and Cash said, "Oh Natalie!" I cracked up. I'm pretty sure he meant "Whoa Nelly!"
And lastly, here is a note Penelope spent quite a few minutes on...using the auto fill words and cracking herself up every two seconds. She saved it to my phone when she was finished.