The Math of Motherhood

I woke up today and realized that it was December 30th.  Tomorrow is my baby girls birthday.  She will be three.  Today is the last day I would have a two year old.  It was overwhelming and sad.  However there was breakfast to be made and lots of chores to do and mothering and laundry...so I didn't dwell on it much.

But tonight I just sat on the bathroom floor and watched her.  Filled with such awe and love for all my children.  I thought about how this is new territory for me.  When Jackson turned three, I had a three month old.  When Libby turned three, I had a 14 month old and was pregnant.  When Cash turned three, I had a 17 month old.  When Penelope turned three, I was seven months pregnant.  And here sits Juliet, turning three, and there is no one.  I have never had a three year old without a younger sibling.

These are the things you think about if you're me.  I don't know if other moms think about these things but I do.  I lie in bed and calculate how far apart they are in age or how old this one will be when this one learns to drive etc.  It is the math of motherhood.

So what I really want to do is look forward, not back.  And I have been given the grace to do so.  I'm getting better at it.  But I am fond of my babies.  I've said it before...heaven for me must involve babies.

Tonight I laid Juliet on her towel after bath and said (as I had been telling her all day) "I can't believe you're going to be three!  You're such a big girl!  Did you know you came out of my tummy?" And she said, "Yes!  In!  Out!  It's opposites!"

Then later I asked her if she would always be my baby.  She said, while sucking her thumb, "uh-uhm.  Will you sing a song with me?"  And so of course I did.  I sang her the Juliet song I made up when she was a baby.  She loves it.  We sing it to the tune of "Are You Sleeping."

Juliet Hope Juliet Hope
I love you Yes I do
You're a precious angel
You're a little darlin'
This is true I love you

Jackson and Cash, Jackson and Cash
They love you, yes they do
They're your big brothers
Like no other
They love you, little Ju Ju

Libby and Pippi, Libby and Pippi
They love you, yes they do
They're your big sisters
They're not misters
They love you, little Ju Ju

Mommy and Daddy, Mommy and Daddy
We love you, Yes we do
You're our precious angel
You're a little darlin'
We love you, yes we do

If you're reading this and you have a baby, or a child of any age, sing to them.  They love it!  I love you Juliet Hope.  I can't wait to see my big three year old tomorrow.

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