I know I have said many times here on the blog that my life is crazy. I hate repeating myself, but life really is crazy. I can remember back when I had three or four kids and I'd babysit for a friend who might have two or three. And my entire afternoon would be filled with managing 6 kids. I'd be exhausted that evening and would think I deserved all kinds of credit for handling all that for a few hours. Now, that is my normal. Managing that number of children all day, every day. It's no one thing, it's just all the little things together that make for a constant low level of chaos.
In the midst of all the life going on around here are some really cute and fun and wonderful times. My fear is that I miss these times because I'm too preoccupied with the daily grind...just keeping everyone bathed and fed and somewhat educated.
Today Cash asked me for a snack. A simple unsurprising request. But, on my way to try and catch a 20 minute nap, it stressed me out. Whatever I find has to be enough for everyone. And if its not somewhat healthy, I suffer mom guilt. I didn't want to give him anything, but knew nap would be easier for me if they were snacking. I told him I would pop him some popcorn. Sighing, I got out the popper to begin the process. As I was plugging it in he said, "Mom? What's for dinner?" Ahhhh! It never ends. There is always a dish to wash, a load of clothes to fold, a belly to fill, a diaper to change, a book to read, or shoes to find.
You know what? I have no idea what's for dinner. Ever.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor. 4:16-18
I see a mess. I see closets that need to be organized. I see laundry, dishes, and dust. But the unseen will be my focus. The hearts and minds of these six kids. The spiritual health of me and my family. And Jesus. Because I can't mother anything without Him.