Um, I forgot the title...

I'm feeling old, tired, and stupid. I'm going to write a blog about it. Put that in your laptop and smoke it.

I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding. I have nursed all five of my kids. I was asked recently why I do it. I wanted to ask back, "Why wouldn't I?" One of my main reasons is because of the proof that it increases their brain development. I know their brain is still growing just like the rest of their body and who doesn't want to help out their child in the "smartness" department?

I've heard that everything has a price. Well, the price I've paid for my children getting breastmilk and better brain cells is the total and utter decrease in my own brain activity. My children may be getting smarter, but I am quickly going down the path towards total idiot. I can't remember words. I mistake imaginary characters for real people. I forget important numbers. I purposely put something in a safe place so I'll know where it is only to discover I can't remember my safe place. I stare at people while they are talking to me and I don't hear anything they're saying. I can't answer questions without the help of an encyclopedia. And when I open it, I have to strain to remember alphabetical order. Sometimes I make mistakes when correcting my kid's schoolwork. They are so excited that I have missed something. I am thinking about all that sweet breastmilk I sacrificed for them, and now they want me to do multiplication too? Go get a calculator, smarty pants.

Is it just the breastfeeding? Or is it my age? Is it both? When did I get older? How did I get here? Since when did the "classic rock" station fill up with songs from when I was in sixth grade? Since when do I think that 40 "isn't that old"? When did I start saying things like, "I just need a little peace and quiet" with my forehead all wrinkled up? How long have my hands looked so old and sad? And I won't even begin to ask about my body. After five children I'd like to zap my skin with an amnesia gun and make it forget the stretching out and in, out and in, out and in...will someone hit the reset button please?

I know that young, fun Julie is in there somewhere, but she doesn't change diapers, wipe cracks, do tons of laundry, and buy things in bulk. So she hasn't come out to play in a while. But that's okay. Adult mommy Julie can be fun too. She can make scrambled eggs. And give a fun bubble bath. Every once in a while she can still write a witty blog. And she's highly entertaining if you want to laugh at someone who can't remember her kid's names or where she's parked her car when she's standing right in front of it.