The Excuse

Here it is. My excuse. The excuse. This is the last month I'm going to have it, so I just wanted everyone to know that it's really the best excuse. There is no excuse better than, "I'm pregnant." And though in general I do love being pregnant, it brings about some challenges. And everything from dropping something clumsily to forgetting your social security number is covered under "I'm pregnant." So I'm planning on using it every chance I get for the next four weeks. Here are just a few of the things I'm planning on getting "excused" due to my condition.

forgetting I'm supposed to be somewhere
being late
not showing up at all
having b.o.
eating whatever I want (or don't want)
not cooking
taking a nap
going to bed early
sleeping late
groaning out loud
fat ankles
fat thighs
fat fat
my dirty toilet
my dirty floors
all the dirty clothes
moving slowly
looking and feeling like a blob
making poor decisions
getting emotional
"losing it"
generally slacking off

Come quickly, sweet baby. Because as much as I enjoy having an excuse for spilling things, forgetting things, and yelling at things, I'd rather not do these things. And not do them wearing normal clothes.