Smelly Lane

Lately it seems as though my whole house smells. Smells BAD. Usually like poop or urine. I feel like it's too late, that there have been too many accidents and dirty diapers within these four walls to ever return to a normal smelling home. I get a whiff of it, check my diapered children, ask the others if they had gas, and if all are clean, I wonder if it's lurking under the couch or a bed or maybe it happened when I was out and Jimmy didn't clean it all up. It's really disgusting. I KNOW there is a certain smell somewhere (this last week I've smelled it) but I haven't discovered it yet. Maybe it's skid marked underwear or a sippy cup with that tiny bit of milk they can't get that's been rotting for an indefinite (but LONG) amount of time.

But then I start thinking... What if it's just that WE smell? I've been exercising more. Maybe I got sweaty and sat on the furniture too many times. Or maybe, even worse, my CHILDREN smell. Like, some of them are old enough now that they don't smell like powder and baby soap anymore. Instead, they smell like kid sweat and that outside odor. They come in, and BAM! They bring their smell. What happened to my sweet smelling babies?? Who took them away and left stinky, messy, sticky, large, loud, and hungry things called KIDS?

Now, I know what you're saying. You want me to get a smelly candle, some incense, one of those things you plug into the wall, or Febreeze to spray my furniture with. Make my home smell warm and inviting or at least clean. But to me, that's like going outside, working in the dirt and sunshine, getting all sweaty, and then coming inside and just putting on extra deodorant. Gross! I want my house to smell clean and trendy because it IS clean and trendy. (NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.) My solution? I want to strip my house down to the bare wood, paint it all, and get new furniture. And then, get an outhouse. In the morning I'll just feed my kids a big load of oatmeal and prunes, and then deposit them outside next to the outhouse and tell them they can't come back until they've done their business. But I'm not naive. I know my house will STILL smell. (And what the outhouse in the back would do for the neighborhood may not go over so well.)

Oh well. Life smells. Human beings live here. We eat together, play together, and make stinky smells together. It may be unpleasant at times, but I am thankful I have smells to smell and kids to make them. All I ever wanted was to do just this. But when people gave me baby showers they never included nose plugs. So, to all my pregnant readers-- you might want to register for those.