It is totally impossible for me to be sick. Which is why I don't allow myself the option. I remember after I became a mother, my mom said to me, "You're not allowed to be sick." Meaning: You have someone depending on you 24-7 and you can't turn that off. If only there was an off-switch I could flip just long enough for me to lie in bed and heal. Sometimes, when I have to pull myself up off the couch even when I think I can't, I think to myself, "maybe I'll pass out and I'll have to go to the hospital and get a saline drip and I'll stay hydrated and sleep in a place where there won't be dried spaghetti on the floor..."
So, yes, I'm sick. I have a persistent sore throat, white nastiness on my tonsils, fever, swollen glands, do you really want to know? But anyway, it's been with me for six days now. I started antibiotics this morning, even though my strep test was negative. We'll see how I do.
The crazy life that I referred to in my "slow down life" blog has not really slowed at all. We just got our van back after it was in the shop for a WEEK, which means any time we had to all go somewhere together, it involved me sitting next to Jackson in the front seat and sharing a seatbelt with him. Being such a good example of obeying the laws of the land. We passed a cop more than once and I would push his head down into his lap so he wouldn't be seen and I made him cry once. I'm not proud of this, but I was way to proud to get pulled over and be seen with four kids crammed in like poor white trash.
The tropical storm FAY came, and totally flooded "the cave" which is our glorified crawl space under the house that holds all my stuff people usually put in a garage. Thankfully nothing of great importance was damaged, but that did involve Jimmy having to buy a pump and pump out water, while I'm inside totally sick having to keep things seeming normal and trying to meet everyone's needs.
In the middle of all this, I decided to start home school this week. What kind of drugs am I on exactly? The kind that slapped me in the face and said, "This is never going to slow down so you might as well go for it because that 'normal' day you're waiting for is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!" So, as long as you're quiet enough to listen to my muffled sore throat voice, you could probably learn something around here. About tonsils and water pumps if nothing else.
I don't currently have health insurance and my doctor is no longer at the practice I used to go to, but I suspected all I needed was a quick strep test and a script for antibiotics, so I decided to go to the free clinic, since we are currently unemployed. This experience, let me say, was a learning one. If only the nurses, desk help, and doctors had learned something before they decided to work in a health clinic. It wasn't all that bad, but all I do is watch the doctor and health shows and I'm pretty sure I could have done a better job. Not to mention the roach on the examining table, and the 101 signs about getting tested for HIV.
So there you have it. Oh, and tonight I hacked and spit out something hard. We think it was a tonsil stone. I lost it down the kitchen sink trying to rinse it off so we'll never know for sure. Jimmy was disappointed. He's been taking care of me and was nice enough to be interested in phlegm and bloody mucus. He's watched the kids and done chores galore but it's taking his toll on him. He needs a healthy wife, just like the kids need a healthy mother. I want to be able to be and do the things I usually do as my part in the family. So hopefully I'll start to improve very soon, but if not, I've been prepared by all this craziness. It's my new normal. Pain, deep breaths, patience, gargle. Rinse. Repeat.
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